she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
