Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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