dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
