Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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