If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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