i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
