Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
