dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
