i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
