Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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