Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
