return my video game
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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