Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
