I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
