I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
