We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
