Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
