Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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