And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
