It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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