i think my mom watched the whole time
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
