It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
