What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
