I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
