at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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