yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
