What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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