I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
