I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize