Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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