I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
