i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
no. you can't hotbox the world.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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