uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
