I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize