Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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