I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
