and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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