just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
