either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He shit in the fireplace
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
