And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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