I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
