for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
