you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
