this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
