how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
