Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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