I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
