i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
