1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
