EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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