why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
