you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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