I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
