I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
