why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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