Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
