They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize