What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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