she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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