My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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