singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have tasted many bathrooms
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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