I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
