Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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