Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
