They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
