Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
