At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
