I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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