the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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